How to Talk to Anyone: Part One

When I was younger I had real issues talking to people. I was so incredibly insular I just didn't have the confidence or know how to talk to people without having a lot of drink inside of me.

I get very confident talking to people when I'm drunk, and I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, nor is it uncommon. But I would always het anxious if I knew I was to be left alone with someone for a period of time. The worst if I know I'll be meeting someone, who might be a friend of a friend, and they're much better educated and generally more informed about the world than I am.

For example, how could I talk to someone like Elon Musk if I were trapped in a lift? He would think I'm a dumbass and no doubt would never be able to glean anything from me that would move his needle. I bought some self-help books back in the day. Most of them were lofty, not relatable, and generally garbage.

Eventually I just got older, more worldly and figured a few things out for myself. And I thought it would be interesting to pass on some nuggets, perhaps start a new series of How to Talk to Anyone. In this post, I want to give you my top 5 starting blocks on how you can talk to anyone. Let's imagine the scene at a party and you've walked in alone.

WAVE TO NO ONE AND GRAB A DRINK

One of the tricks I learned about walking into a room of strangers is the second you walk in, wave to someone at the back of the room for just a split second. No one at the back of the room will see you but everyone at the front will. Wear a smile, say hello to the host and fix yourself a drink if you're not getting offered one.

What do classy people drink? 

Straight up answer is a vodka tonic. It's classier than beer, and sets a good impression. It also looks better aesthetically when you're holding it. I prefer to have a beer if I'm in a bar, or pretty much anywhere. But holding a glass of clear liquid makes you more approachable.

Do I take my shoes off at a party? 

Always best to motion as if you're about to take your shoes off, but hopefully the host will tell you to leave them on. You will want to keep them on if possible so you can get an extra inch of height. I hate it when I go to parties and some tall 6'1 guy has kept his shoes on, I've got my shoes off out of courtesy, and now I'm feeling like Tom Cruise on his knees.

WHO DO YOU KNOW?

An easy one, but it's good to get this question in early. It sets up the story and you can connect with someone's history and get to know someone else at the same time. I usually ask 'how do you know the host?' and then that will ultimately lead onto either a moment in their past, e.g. Met them at Uni (Ok what did you study?) he or she is my boss, (ok so is he/she a ball-buster? You can tell me off the record.)

LISTEN

Sometimes the best way to talk to people, is to listen to people. To say nothing. I've discovered over the years that most people love talking about themselves, their own lives, and how they feel towards world events. People have become inherent narcissists, and they are the centre of the universe. Even if the world is on fire, what matter is their feelings about the world being on fire.

So in short, allow people to talk. Ask them how they feel, about certain things rather than have them reel off facts or their CV.

WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON?

For me this is the bets question to ask guys. Now ladies, here me out. When a dude is speaking to another dude, and they want to talk about dude stuff, then we need to talk about dude projects. Is he renovating? Is he working on curating his Batman collection?

A man without a project is rudderless, and I'm speaking as a man that has been through some rudderless-times. You think Clint Eastwood wants to work at the age of 93? The answer is yes, because he needs projects. Something to get him out of bed in the morning. So just asking a guy, what are you working on right now can be a broad open-ended question and no doubt they'll take up the slack and talk about it with great enthusiasm.

THAT XXX LOOKS GREAT ON YOU

Cheesy but true. Open with a compliment. Study the outfit, the hair, the makeup, the aforementioned shoes. Don't ask where they got their handbag from, that's too gay. But ask about the feature that is standing out the most. Maybe a ring, or a broch. The watch is always a good go-to. Say something, 'I have to ask, where did you get that X it looks great on you.' Adding the 'on you' makes it personal and means you're not just complimenting their X, but their taste as well.

Summary 

Key to speaking to anyone at parties is to not get too drunk. Take photos, remember to smile and dress respectfully. Don't outstay your welcome. Bring a bottle or a dessert. Come with a good story from your recent travels. Bring your business card. Take some videos on your phone and edit them into a short clip. Make sure you tag the host on the socials. Make sure you thank the host. Tell the host their home looks amazing, and ask about certain pieces of art or furniture.

Generally a host will want to talk all about where they accumulated their crap. But let them talk, it's their party. In the next episode I will give some tips on how to talk to anyone no matter what job they have.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash