THE FRANSCHHOEK WINE TRAM AND STELLENBOSCH TOWN TOUR
What really sets the tone for touring five vineyards in one day, is a patriotic driver with a firm handshake, a pretty tour guide, and a rambunctious group of Canadian tourists, 3 elderly ladies the first of which clambered into the van saying, 'well apparently we're all getting wasted today.'
I would later go on to talk politics with her in a most playful debate, yet disagree with almost everything she had to say. They not to talk politics or religion when in groups, but on the fifth vineyard, after generous servings at each, talking politics becomes quite inevitable as the tongue loosens.
A gentleman in the back seat, a Brit called Matthew who does something frightfully boring within the tech AI-automotive space, tells stories of his shark cage diving which he did yesterday on the other side of the Cape. "The Orcas are still around but further afield," he said, as if the tour he'd subscribed to had oversold themselves. "The copper sharks more abundant. Great Whites are tough to see with the shark cage tours, rarely you’ll get to see them."
I took this as verbatim, but when regaling that fact to someone at the party on the Waterfront later that evening apparently it wasn't true. One gentleman told me that he had seen Great Whites only that morning, and it's best to actually see them direct from the boat than in the cage as the sea is so black. "Blacker than the sharks eyes even." He commented.
The first stop on the trip was to the quaint town of Stellenbosch. All the buildings on the outskirts are protected with electric fences, although the crime around here is 'minimal' compared to the townships. Salient oak trees plume over the white heritage buildings. The colour permanently affixed due to its age. Any building here over 60 years old has to be painted white and kept to its original style.
The drive up to Lanzerac (Vineyard one) was through some of the most pristine and unmolested country you could wish to see. The mountains ripe yellow with the national flower, the pin cushion Proteas.
Conversation weaved between pleasantries, common 'get to know you small talk' (the worst kind if someone has the must dullest of vocations) and local wildlife (personal favourite topics). There are no poisonous spiders in Cape Town, but two poisonous snakes. The Puff Adder, a thick-set slow-moving snake, easily identified by its dark brown or blackish v-patterns on the back and the Cape Cobra. The latter being the smallest, yet more dangerous as it doesn't know how to control its venom when it bites.
'So it has small snake syndrome,' I joked. A solid joke that should have gotten more laughs than it did.
NOTES: Lanzerac (Vineyard 1)
Lanzerac first cellar opened 1800. Huge long driveway to the estate like something out of an old western film.
Pinotage and the Rose the highlights, with the Mocca notes entwined with the chewing tobacco entwined perfectly with the dark chocolate.
Tokara (Vineyard 2)
I learnt from two Germans from Munich the best cure for hangovers. Veggie broth. Apparently Veggie Broth pulls the alcohol out of the blood stream. Note must stock up on Bovril.
Rickety Bridge Wine Estate (Vineyard 3)
Known for its food. The food capital of Cape Town. The towns name Franschhoek is emblazoned in white lettering at the foot of the distant hills like the Hollywood sign.
Don't talk to the kids who ask for money. The kids are fearless, and when the train drivers shepherd them away from the tourists, they take to throwing stones at them. It’s the first sign of malice I’ve seen in the country.
La Provence (Vineyard 4)
The Merlot they serve is very rare indeed, just 4 barrels per year. The Cabernet is much better, partly due to the vines being influenced by the nearby eucalyptus plants that enhance the flavour. Inside, the centerpiece is undoubtedly the wine bottle chandelier.
The Franschhoek Cellar (Vineyard 5)
As this was the last Vineyard on the trip I can only remember talking politics to the Canadian women and getting embroiled into a debate on how Michelle Obama churns out nothing but word salads. A theory that didn't go down well. I much preferred the story of how one lady's husband catches and freezes catfish and feeds the delivers them onto the frozen lakes during winter to the hungry Eagles nesting in the trees above.
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